Why everyone does not carry same emotions like you. Why everyone is not kind? Why some people take drastic decisions about their life? Why some smart kids don’t turn out to be a smart adult? Why we lack so many emotions and when we do learn to understand somebody’s emotion, by that time its too late? Why its so hard to understand the same species(human)? Why human to human connection is such a difficult?
For instance, some adult are not scared of injections but some dread with the sight of a syringe or even seeing someone else is being injected. Why so? Why don’t we all carry the same emotions towards injections? Why do some fear and others are calm towards the same object? Have you ever given a thought towards such a simple thing?
The things I found out about these above questions is related to so many different aspects of life. Imagine a child having a difficult childhood, while children with difficult childhood have successful career but there are examples of children with difficult childhood turning into abusers, murderers, gamblers, robbers.
In both the scenario what went wrong its hard to describe? Isn’t it?
Now think of a child with peaceful and normal environment. Even here we have examples of creation of genius adults, average adults but also depressed and disordered adults. Again we have a same question what went wrong, How a perfectly healthy childhood made a person depressed or ill with various disorders.
The things can go wrong without giving a slightest hint to the human themselves. Now imagine this situation your child is with you in a restaurant and the people sitting just across your table are talking disgracefully to the waiter and are nagging about the restaurant atmosphere. You and your child are mute spectators and you even discuss with your child about how cruel and wrongly their behaviour is. But this is a permanent memory in your child’s brain and it can cause him a lot of various emotions. Like even he might not stand up for the cruelest things happening around him or with him. He might feel its ok to people yell at him or others. He will become tolerant to the wrong. But as I said earlier, everything can turn out to be a positive adult also. YOU CANNOT PREDICT THESE THINGS.
So this blog is about how to make best efforts with our kids to carry the positive emotions in there subconscious mind. The lot of our daily activities are carried by the subconscious mind from brushing our teeth to sleeping patterns at night. Similarly lot of our emotions occur subconsciously.
Like owning up to a mistake, there is constant emotional ethical fight going on in our mind, as to what is the right thing to do. Now if you make it a subconscious habit of always owning up to your mistakes, then there is no ethical fight in our brain.
Now lets take the above situation in a restaurant, now what if you put a open discussion on the table about what the child feels about the situation surrounding them and then put up your view. May be the child feels like standing up and telling the people about their improper behaviour, or may be he just wants to tell the staff that not all the customers are like them and they are doing a fantastic job. There can be many view right which we don’t know and we ignore the lot many chances of enhancing the positive emotions.
You will see plenty of articles on this topic but they won’t make you as focused on the things I am going to share with you. The point is not on following the rules which have been created, the point is not to avoid the certain rules and face the certain circumstances.
Just like the restaurant incident there could be many incidents we don’t discuss and share our point of view. Many a times we just hear others opinion but we hardly keep our point of view right. And if someone has a strong point of view we sometimes adopt those opinions too. THATS WHAT HAPPENING IN THE CURRENT WORLD WITH MEDIA MAKING OPINIONS ABOUT A MURDER/SUICIDE OF SUSHANT SINGH RAJPUT.
For the many incidents occurring in world, as kids we were in very much vulnerable state and we have formed a desired set of emotions for the desired situations in our life but our kids are also being projected into some undesired state of situations and they might create a set of permanent emotions for those vulnerable situations and some of them cannot be reversed.
That is what called EMOTIONAL STRENGTHENING. We all carry set of emotions in our brain from birth some are influenced by our genetic formation. Like may be our father/mother had some fears and kids carry it, but its not compulsory to carry forward, emotions are not physical, so they change according to surrounding and the influence around us. If you have fear of water doesn’t necessarily mean you will allow your child to carry the fear of water Right.
Just like that we can emotionally prepare our kids or ourselves too, for the vulnerable situations that can occur to them. Our life can make us feel a vast amount of emotions but we can cover some basic emotions through this one routine I am going to share.
This one routine is called : ALWAYS ASK A QUESTION WHY AND FIND ANSWER TO THAT WHY THROUGH ATLEAST 3 PEOPLE YOU KNOW?
As psychology students, we have an exercise to get an answer to following questions from different age group and genders. And we were astonished by seeing the results are so varied, depending on gender and age group.
So the question is, Henry’s wife is sick with cancer and one of scientist has a medicine to cure that cancer. Henry is broke and he doesn’t have the money the scientist has quoted for the medicine.Henry tries to borrow from all the available contacts he has, but he still couldn’t gather the amount the scientist has demanded. He tries to convince the scientist but the scientist say he has put his 10 years of days and nights into finding this medicine and he has even sacrificed his family life for his work. SO he deserves the amount he has quoted for this medicine and he will not give the medicine for lesser price to anyone. Henry gets very angry with the scientists answer and he hits with a vase on scientist’s head and grabs the medicine and runs away.
Now we have to judge Is Henry’s Action’s justified?
I know there will be lot going on in your mind and each of you will have lot of queries as well as opinions about this situation.
The main point of this exercise is not to judge emotionally and Justification is not always the solution. But in this small situation also there is lot learn. The incident is so vulnerable in Henry’s life, he was not prepared to hear no, he didn’t have any choice to make, he was impulsive, tired and may be devastated with everything happening around him.
But you will not believe the children were the quickest to answer the question that Henry’s actions was not justified and even my seven year old son said that Henry did the bad thing.
Because like my son kids are raw to understand this emotions, they don’t know how to think about others point of view, like in the above scenario, why the question is not asked about Scientist’s actions are justified, why only Henry is being judged? Why Henry is not trying hard of other ways to convince the scientist?
Like I said there will be lot of WHY’s.
This is one routine you must follow with your kids, It takes a very less time and it can create a lot of introspection about you with your own kids. Kindly donot put your thoughts into your child’s mind instead ask the why’s? When my son said Henry was wrong in spilt seconds, I did counter him with the questions like but henry’s wife is very sick, what do you think he should have done? My son didn’t answer and even I didn’t try to force him to try to answer but I created a emotion of being empathetic towards sick and also by not answering that I made him think that not all people who hit are bad, henry’s wife is sick he is sad and that made him bad, but my son is still adamant that Henry did the wrong thing. Now I asked him about the Scientist, what about his actions , My son quickly responded that even scientist did a bad thing, he must share the medicine because sharing things is good. Now this sharing things is good is taught to him in his school curriculum, So he has a positive influence of that but we cannot completely predict that scientist is wrong or Right?
Like this you can just let emotions to be formed and strengthen them through a process, it takes time to find answers emotionally but if you don’t discuss about the vulnerable situation which kids will face in their life, they will have to take an impulsive decision like Henry. You don’t get answer for all the questions but for some unanswered questions, child will keep looking for the answers through out his life and through the emotional connection even the child will not judge himself in some unrealistic or vulnerable situations.
There is one more benefit of this routine is, may be when the child is stuck in a situation where the child might feel that he did a bad thing or he is just judging himself to be a worst person, the child might want to discuss with you or others about his actions, just get perspectives.
This routine will make the child empathetic and make you and your child respect the perspectives of each and every person in the situations you create and discuss.
The social media world is lacking the biggest emotion of being kind and empathetic, today’s generation is the most quickest generation to judge and spread it to others people mind too.
Majorly because only less people take into account of others emotions and perspective. They judge others with the creamy information spread by others but never think about it other way round.
The future generation has more toughest challenges as every thing like basic education is getting digitalised, the sense of touch and smell are also getting lost today…
Imagine what will happen to the emotions. It cannot be ignored. We can only help them to think and correct them where they go wrong but we cannot always be with our kids but this routine will help them to think twice and think about everyone in a situation.
Do give it a try and do let me know in the comments what do you feel about this article and information.
Have a great day! Stay positive! Always give yourself a second chance! Share it if you like it!
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